Saturday, August 11, 2012

WHEN WORSHIP IS ROUGH


IT CAN BE TROUBLING WHEN YOU ASK GOD TO SPEAK, and He remains silent. About a month ago I took some time each day for a week to get “alone with God.” My plan was to fast and pray and read His Word every day from about six o’clock in the morning until noon.
     I tried various settings in which to accomplish this time alone with God, from mountain tops to quiet libraries, to hikes from my home to Wilder Ranch. My plan was to seek no agenda, rather it was to be quiet before the Lord, allowing the Holy Spirit to direct my thoughts and our direction together. I should have known it was not going to go as planned when on the first day of my morning retreats, I received a frantic phone call from my daughter Krista telling me that her best friend’s dad died while hiking down from Mount Whitney. A hike he had done numerous times. He was a relatively young man of 60 and in good shape. To say this came as a shock to all would be one of the greatest understatements I could make. His daughter and her twin boys are good friends of our whole family, we love them all dearly. His death left us all reeling.
      That morning my time with the Lord turned from listening for the still small voice to barraging the throne of God with numerous questions of why and what now.  It was a harbinger of my week to come.
     I tried to settle my heart each morning. I tried to listen intently. I tried to bring nothing before Him but an open and willing heart. Each morning ended much the same; God was silent and I was even more restless and directionless. It is not where I desired to be, and I could find no way out.
     Now, this is the time in the story where I tell you of how God showed up in powerful ways, how I saw His hand at work, and how I was re-energized with a new vision for my walk with the Lord and for leading His church. Sadly, I have no such story to tell, not then, not now.
     All I can say is even though the Lord was silent, He is still the Lord. He is still worthy of songs in the night, and so I will sing, waiting for whatever lies beyond the locked gates.
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